We’ll see!
1.8.2021
Jackson is five. He is a wonder! He changes so quickly! Not long ago, he went through a phase where he would ask for something, and no matter the answer to his request, he’d close the conversation with a bright, “We’ll see!”
“Can we go to a skatepark?”
“Not today.”
“We’ll see!”
“Can we have cake for breakfast?” (after his birthday)
“No, we’re having oatmeal.”
“We’ll see!”
So, I’ve only written once since September. What has been going on? Well, regular life has been going on with a whole lot of “Heidi’s Heavy Heart” wedged into nearly every day. That fluid surrounding my heart has been a nuisance indeed! The amount of fluid decreased and we went longer between echocardiograms. It increased and we checked my heart more frequently. It’s been a rollercoaster and I am not a fan of that amusement park ride.
My physical heart has been heavy with fluid and my emotional and spiritual heart has felt heavy with fluid. It’s been a bummer. Despite the fluid, I’ve mostly been feeling really good. In fact, I didn’t know it could get much better until it did. I hope this is a sign of things to come.
Next week is a big week. I’ll have a CT scan of my whole body to look for cancer. I’ll have an echocardiogram of my heart to measure that pesky fluid. And, I’ll meet with my oncologist and cardiologist to hear all about it.
Blech.
Even though I love my people at the clinic, I often find myself not wanting to go. Although, at least for today, this time feels a tiny bit different. Maybe this time the images will show what I’ve had a sense of all along: perfect, beautiful healing. Fluid? Gone! Cancer? Disappeared. That’s what I’d like.
We’ll see!