Still Here
4.20.2020
One thing that keeps me going is being so unbelievably determined. I don’t even know where it comes from but I’m glad it comes. At about noon today I was laying in bed feeling a bit yuck. Paul had just arrived to check on me. As I looked over at him all I could think was, I really want to cut his hair! Now, this is no COVID haircut situation. I’ve been cutting his hair-and the kids’-for years. I didn’t feel up to giving haircuts but I could fantasize about feeling up to it. It seemed like a good idea. I laughed out loud at myself. I really wanted to do it. I guess that was the first clue that I was coming back.
For a few glorious hours this afternoon I was myself. Animated, honestly cheerful and full of joy. I joined the kids for their outside time. They played. I watched their tricks, gardened, danced and sang. Feeling good is super good! It faded but that’s okay. Now I know, I’m still here.