Hope and Gratitude
4.15.2021
In my week at home I’ve already passed several tests. Well, one really, but it amounted to three appointments with various members of my medical team so I’m giving myself credit three times. It was all hospital follow-up. My heart is looking good. Our first look at the pericardium post-hospital showed no new fluid. I got to hear words like, “...expected after we’ve been in the pericardium,” “normal,” and, “perfect.” I loved hearing those words. I’ve been waiting more than a year to hear words like that about my heart!
Since there was cancer in all that pesky pericardial fluid we made a new treatment plan. The new medications arrived. I started the easy one yesterday. It’ll help control the cancer from a hormone standpoint and ensure I have lots of nice hot flashes. When my cheeks turn rosy from the heat, Paul often - unknowingly - tells me I’m pretty. I’m not usually in the mood to hear about it in those moments but I resolve to embrace it from now on.
The second medication is the big deal, heavy-hitter. Think: chemotherapy symptoms + do it to yourself. It just arrived by special delivery. I’ll only be able to get one dose in today so I can delay the inevitable a few hours. Chemotherapy is not fun, but my two experiences with it were short-lived. All I had to do was get through a few months and the hardest part was over. Plus, I didn’t have to infuse myself; someone else put it into my body. This time, I have to do it. I have to physically put it in my mouth two times a day, every day. Then, hope nothing happens. Well, hope for all the benefits with no side effects. I’m looking for easy because this has been one crazy, rocky road.
I took a big step forward this morning. I said, thank you for this medication and the help it may offer me. I’m pretty good at staying positive (most of the time). I choose to be grateful despite all I could (and sometimes do) complain about, but there is always room for improvement. There is room for more joy and I know gratitude is the path there.
So today, I open myself to this new treatment and the help it may provide. I allow my body to accept this help and healing. I move forward with hope and gratitude.