Abundance
7.2.2020
One of the things I love most about gardening is the abundance of nature. This year we enjoyed more dill and cilantro than we knew what to do with. We munched snap peas, harvested turnips and thinned beets but all the glory is happening right now with raspberries. This season is different from others. Leaves grow thicker, blossoms on perennial plants are more prolific and as a result, fruit is more abundant. Our canes are dripping with berries!
It has been a big week. I had a scan on Monday. Overall, it's good news. The cancer in my bones - including a particularly large spot on my spine - is GONE. The cancer around my heart is GONE. There are still a few tiny spots that look like cancer at the top of my right lung and behind my right collarbone. They are, indeed, small spots but they had me in tears. It was not the perfect scan I expected. I feel better than that! There's no more room for cancer here.
In addition, the scan brought what my oncologist called "nuisance news." There's no longer cancerous fluid in the sac around my heart but there is still fluid. I spent today in tests, taking pictures and in conversation about my heart. There is at least as much or slightly more fluid than the amount we removed in March. It is impeding my heart's ability to function properly. I'll try some medications for a week to see if my body can get rid of it. If not, we'll have to do something more invasive. It's not cancer! Yay! Still, it feels kind of big.
When the information and decisions press in on me I return my attention to abundance. Love, positivity, and beliefs are stronger than nuisance fluid, stronger than uncertainty, stronger than most anything. I pop a raspberry in my mouth, gaze across the garden, and smile at abundance all around.